Friday, May 7, 2010


College is a waste of time, I'm sorry. We are the first generation (my generation. You know the one that got screwed by the selfish hippies and baby boomers?) who will all have an Undergraduate degree. You know what this means right? It means that the degree is useless. You will now need a Master's, fluency in other languages, a Phd., and you're daddy is going to need to be rich. That's the scenario without throwing the deteriorating economic crisis into the mix. When we all graduate, we will not find jobs. If we do they will be menial jobs with menial tasks such as answering phones or making sandwiches. You will not use your degree. You will not receive a decent paycheck to pay off your student loans that you took out so confidently during the Bush administration. You will begin to drown. And in the inescapable sea of defeat you will flail. You will splash around in the shallow waters of your pool of self esteem searching for anything to help keep you afloat and all you will find is a piece of paper floating, drifting toward you. It's your degree and its going to sink with you.
If you love learning and being informed and educated, by all means go to college and love it! However, you should never take a loan out to pay for such a silly thing. If you can afford it, or if you feed of the Federal government and get a Pell Grant, go for it. Otherwise invest in books and do the learning on your own. This rule that you must have a college degree to be successful in life is made up. It was made up by people who did not go to college ironically. The only thing you need to be successful is to be successful and the only way to be successful is to go out and do it. If you think a degree will help, great. If not, screw it.

A few pointers if you're already in college:

1) No one cares what your GPA is. Graduate. Pass. Thats all you need to do. Dont study too hard, because what your learning is bias information anyways unless its a Biology class or something solid like that

2) Dont get into college culture. Dont run for student officer. Dont form study groups and talk about politics. You could be doing something more productive I promise. Dont wear the T-Shirt that has the name of your school on your school. It makes you seem oddly desperate.

3) DO NOT ABBREVIATE YOUR CLASSES! By this I mean... when you say your "going to Chemistry" say you're going to Chemestry. Do not say "I'm going to Chem." You sound like an idiot. And thats not just my opinion or that of anyone else, its the Universe's. And furthermore, dont abbreviate the buildings your classes are in. If your going to meet up at the Wilkinson Center, meet up at the Wilkinson Center. Dont meet up at the Wilk. Im just trying to help.

4) Do not make college your first priority. Things that should be higher on the list are things like eating, brushing your teeth, watching good movies, working out, running, sleeping in, working a real job, traveling, hanging out with your family, reading and learning real things, etc. College should, on the list, fit somewhere right between getting a hair cut and going grocery shopping.

There is much more I could warn you about when it comes to post secondary education, but let me wrap up with this. You are an American. You are smart. You have everything you could ever want at your disposal to become a better person, smarter, more successful. Do not use a crutch in any way. Sometimes college can be a crutch. If this is true, get rid of it. There is no hope in walking into the busy real world if you do it limping on the crutch of "higher education". Get out there and do what you want to do, no excuses. You know they always say you can do anything you put your mind to. They never tell you that you can do anything so long as you graduate from college. Eff them anyways. If you want something get it, do it, own it. This is America.

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