Here are three short essays on the Hipster problem that will set us up for a discussion later on the solution to this infectious plague:
ONE
You have no basis. You're wandering about wondering what to believe in, then just after noon you get bored and go to the pennyroyale cafe to spend the money you didnt earn on food that was made just for you. Then my friends walk in to meet a friend and you stare them down. Why? You leave on your road bike or fixie no doubt, and head over to a friends house who has a dark room and you develop your black and white photos of that cat that you found in the alley and named Pedro the Lion. They are disappointing but you chalk it up to dissonance. Then its off to work. No wait. Sorry. Then its off to campus so you can use the computers and post those pictures! Sorry! I forgot. While your on campus you think about taking an art history class. Nope. Go back home. Watch The Arcade Fire live at that one place. Such a good show. The lead singer was so drunk. Then your roommate comes home. Why do you have a roommate!? You should be living on your own so you can play bass in peace. Whatever. Your moving to England soon anyways. As soon as your Dad sells that house you'll get your share. You deserve it you've been working hard at Barnes and Noble's and going home for the holidays. I mean if they are gonna buy you a ticket, right!? Oh my gosh! You forgot! You have to find a ride to go to Urban. Remember? The catalog? They had those sweet V-neck Tee's in almost every color. Almost. Anyways, go get those threads man. I'll catch up with you later.
Hey maybe tonight we can go to Spoon Me and see who is there. Remember that one girl? oh i cant wait ......
TWO
Oh hey man. Yeah No it looks good! How much was it? No Yeah $30 is not bad at all. I mean its Urban! Totally Totally. Well kinda. See that is a credit card, your talking about a debit card. So like if your parents dont pay it off at the end of the month then interest starts kicking in on whatever was charged to it. No No, there is NO money on it. Its credit. So its......... yeah man, I guess its like "free money". You could be right. Anyways. I guess you wanna come over and watch American Idol tonight yeah? Oh totally! Its waaay ironic! Im with you man. I dont really like it either! Like its something we can do with our friends and make fun of I love it! Im gonna stop by Goodwill and see if they have anything. Oh you already did!? Dang. You did! Yeah man that was a steal. It looks new. You wanna go to Whole Foods and just look around? Oh ok. Well have fun! Get the Penny Royale Frapp Latte its the best!
THREE
A FEW BRIEF OBSERVATIONS ON THE CHARACTER OF THE INDEPENDENT ARTIST (OBSERVED MAINLY AND CONSISTENTLY IN PROVO UTAH.)
He attached himself to the cause of progress and "our younger generation" from enthusiasm. He was one of the numerous and varied legion of dullards, of half-animated abortions, conceited, half-educated coxcombs, who attach themselves to the idea most in fashion only to vulgarise it and who caricature every cause they serve, however sincerely.
He was an aneamic scrofulous little man, with strangely flaxen mutton-chop whiskers of which he was very proud. He was rather soft hearted, but self- confident and sometimes extremely conceited in speech which had an absurd effect, incongruous with his little figure.
He drank, but he did not get drunk, no.
He really was rather stupid.
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