Wednesday, April 14, 2010

2. Doing Utah Right

How dare you say that you hate Utah. You don't know anything. I was born in Ft. Lauderdale, a bastion of illegal activity, elderly decay, and perfectly situated to take on the blunt force of most oceanic storms right on the chin. Barring all of these, the humidity alone is reason enough to pack up and move to..... anywhere else. And thats what my family did. We moved to Atlanta, GA. Great place. Lots of diversity, great economic successes, plenty of greenery, and good schools. I don't have too much to complain about when I think back on my days in Georgia. Except it sucked. There is nothing to do, to keep you busy. If your not a redneck, white trash, turbo-drinking alcoholic then building a car in your mom's garage and watching NASCAR for the rest of your life is not an option. And if you aren't planning on slinging coke down at the BP (gas station) on North Ave. and eating Popeye's for the rest of your miserable days, then your left with two main things in your life. Shopping and going out to eat. Both of which require exorbitant amounts of disposable assets (cash and more cash) and will only lead you down a path the ends in well dressed "fat-hood". I played a lot of soccer growing up and its true, soccer is HUGE in Georgia and we were very good. But after a certain age you cant really fit it into your schedule anymore. But you can go shopping at the Mall of Georgia (huge and pointless. oh wait... they do have a Build-a-Bear, so.....) and then "grab a bite to eat" at some little Bistro and wrap things up with a zebra hot chocolate at Starbucks until you realize that you should go home before you mug someone for more money so you can go catch a movie for just $12 more bucks. And breath Kurt....
I've been all over the USA. I took a very very long, very life changing trip in the summer of 2007 and saw everything I wanted to see. From Kentucky to Montana and Iowa to "So Cal", I've been there and talked with the people who love it there. I love America. [sidenote- how dare you say you don't love America also, but we'll get to that topic later] I know what America looks like and I know what I like and dont like about her vast escapes. Thats why I moved to Utah.
Utah is dry, fertile, full of hard working, young and healthy people. The capitol Salt Lake City is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.! It is easily one America's most beautifully and well planned cities. It is not crowded. The winters are full on and the summers are dead on perfect. Here in Utah we have everything. I live in Provo, a valley city literally between a wall of gorgeous mountains and the Utah lake. It's clean, crime free, and I can do as I please. But this isn't good enough for a lot of people here. Here are their complaints and my rebuttals:

-"There are too many Mormons here!"
Try living around drug dealers. Or illegal immigrants who will never talk to you because they don't speak English or are afraid to because they think you'll turn them in. Mormons are the nicest people on earth. Judgmental? yes probably. Weird? Absolutely. But you will never find a better environment all around than you will in Mormon culture. Deal with it.
-"There's nothing to do here!"
You're a liar. Swimming, hiking, skiing, running, boating, traveling, mountain climbing, rope swings, Color Me Mine, skateboarding, every sport. Yes you can do most of these things most places. But can you do them with such a large amount of your peers? Utah has the youngest population of any state. We are young. We are healthy. And we are creative. We do stuff. If you are bored in Utah my guess is that your probably a shoddy person and no one likes you. Because I guarantee if your a person that sucks to be around, we can find someone else to do something with.
-"It's too crowded in Utah!"
I heard someone refer to I-15 as a parking lot once and laughed. Have you ever been to L.A.? That place is as pointless as they come! It reminds me of when someone lies, and then has to lie again and again to cover up that one little lie. And pretty soon your in over your head. L.A. is in way over its head. Highways on top of highways. People on top of people. Its ridiculous. UTAH IS NOT CROWDED. In Atlanta it would take me 45 minutes to get a few miles. In New York and D.C. its even worse.

Moral of the story is that you should thank God every day that you live in Utah. [again, we havent even addressed the hatred that people have for Provo, but we will. We will] The people, the land, the weather can combine to make this truly an oasis in the desert. And if you think otherwise... you're wrong.

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