Monday, June 28, 2010


Where did I leave off last? Oh yes. We need to make sure we teach you how to acquire friends and influence Zombies.

STEP ONE: Appearance is everything. Take care of yourself physically. You dont want to have any sorry excuses as to why you got your neck bitten off by a fat old woman zombie. So stay fit. Get out in the sun. People like it when you have some color to your face. Stay comely. Just because the zombie apocalypse has arrived doesnt mean you shouldnt take a shower or brush your teeth when you get the chance. Eventually youre going to run into another human, it could be a girl, and she might even be pretty, and youre going to want to impress. This means dressing to impress too. Its still not ok to wear cargo shorts and crocs.... even if the world has ended. Break into a Nike outlet and snatch up some BAD A kicks. Then make your way to a Target, or if youre in California you can try for an H & M. Get some pants that fit and a shirt that kills. Mee Ow fella, you look gooooooood when you zombiekill! No one wants to spend their zombie hunting day with a human that looks and smells like a zombie. Its as simple as that.

STEP TWO: Knowledge is power! Keep learning. You can always read a book in your down time. When the zombies are far enough out of your way, pick up a classic, or maybe an installment of the Twilight series. Imagination is the key to youthfulness in a stressy zombieworld. Use it! Youre brains can sometimes be your most powerful weapon against the undead. Why do you think they want to eat yours so badly!? Learn a lot. Express it well. And any human survivor will be able to see that youre a catch.


No comments:

Post a Comment