Thursday, June 3, 2010
11. OPENING DOORS...... FOR LADYGIRLS.
There is so much to say about the topic of dating. Especially in times like these when the species of real men is nearing total extinction. These are the days that women fear. The day when a man spends more time on his body than she does, who's only objective in dressing nice for a date is to, by the end of that date, end up without those clothes on at all. These are the time when the men of this world are outnumbered by the boys, the half hearted child, the untrained and untamed adolescent! There is so much work to be done if we are to change the direction this world is headed to, a place where woman is left alone in her virtue and horny leaping and drooling boys ravage the country sides, but with any great feat one must start small. And so like the first step out the front door, I will start the journey with a simple skill called door opening........for Ladygirls.
The Single Door.
This one is easy. From the moment you exit the car or round the corner and near the door you are to enter with her on your date you need to be prepared. Dont forget that, even though the date is going smoothly and the mood is very relaxed, your brain should be constantly adapting and anticipating the next gentleman move. Dont let her grab that door handle bud! Its understandable that she would feel the need to. Feminism has taught for decades the need for a woman to do things for herself and to not let men control them. However feminists dont have boyfriends. No one will argue that a woman cant physically open a door by herself or that she couldnt do as well or better than a man. This is not about that. This is your way of showing her that you are constantly thinking of her, respecting her, and allowing her to go before you, metaphorically and literally. If she doesnt agree, then maybe she's not the one for you.
The Dreaded Set of Double Doors!
This one took me a while to figure out. Its a bit tricky. But I think I've got it. So you're walking into a restaurant. There is a set of doors, a foyer, and another set of doors. Oh No! What do we do fellas!? Growing up and going out with a sweet girl I would make a fool of myself and practically tear my groin muscles trying to open the first door, let her through, quickly slide in after her at her heels, prop that door open with my foot all the while, lap her and beat her to the second door with the half of my body that isn't stuck defending the first, and with the strength of just my fingers slowly and painstakingly coax the second door to open just enough for her to squeeze through. This was tiresome, ineffective, and ended with her being embarrassed and confused and me wiping sweat from my forehead. Here is the solution:
At any cost get to that first door before she even set in on the obligatory gesture of reaching for the handle herself. Open it. Smile! Now this is the part that is out of your hands guys. A woman, a real woman that dazzles and makes you feel like a real man, that takes your very breath away while simultaneously filling your heart with confidence and vigor... that kind of woman will walk into the foyer and up to the second door and STOP. If and when you ever have the pleasure of dating a woman like this... DO NOT MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO SHINE! When she stops and allows you to catch up so that you might perform your duty as a man and grab that second door with ease, class, and style, you do it! And you do it proudly with a smile on your face that could make a baby laugh. Now if it is your first time you're going to feel a little funny. After this foyer ballet (if you will) you'll feel feelings you've never thought possible, and all at once. Feelings like you could chase down a gazelle in 90 seconds, and that you could pick this woman up with one arm and give her a kiss like superman would give, and feelings of love for the kids that you dont even have yet. This can be overwhelming all at once so its important to keep your cool. Dont blow it. She obviously is encouraging you to act like a man around her so do it. If things keep up like this she may let you open the door to her heart. And that lesson, my friends, is for another time.